Please help,my husband is a walking skeleton,how long now?
mrsdlash03-30-2003, 05:02 AMI wish someone would help me now. I have held together pretty good for this whole sad year. My husband took the Chemo. and the Radiation. I have written on here before, how that he had a 'rare', reaction to the radiation and had 2 holes the size of my hands on his back and on his chest. The burns came from the inside out! Remember, the drs and nurses..NEVER...saw anyone have this problem before. They would have to give him breaks for the wounds to heal up some..then do it all over again. His wounds broke open 7 times and closed up again ..before i Begged him to STOP the treatments. Oh, yeah...the Chemo. gave him a rash all over him, so severe that it left purple scars everywhere it was. He was too weak to go to the treatments anymore..and the last catscan showed that they didn't do any good in his liver..where it had spread to from his lungs.
So, Now his is down to about 114 lbs. and looks like he cannot possiblely be alive. Yet he still gets out of that hospital bed, here at home. Hospice nurses cannot belive he has lived this long.
I have read on here about things to do..so that he will be comfortable emotionaly. I have fixed every financal problem..invited everyone to visit him..let him make peace with whomever..Done everything i can think of to help him. He is at peace with God..and looking forward to joining Him and passed on ralatives.
Now that just all sounds awful! I don't want to lose him..not after 36 yrs of marriage..but, it hurts to see him suffer and struggle ,,just to swallow water!
Yesterday morning his skin was deathly white from the waist down, i saw as i dressed him! I never saw anything like that in the nurseing homes i worked at. I have never actually..been with anyone as they died..i am praying that i say and do what is best for him..at the time..and always. But, i am scared for failing that.
I lay with my husband, carefully and snuggle when he wants me to and feels able. I hug him, kiss him, massage his back geltly with lotion...bath him..and spend nearly every minute with him.
I left just to ride up and pick you his medications one day..and he was fighting for breath when i walked in ..like nothing i had ever seen. I think he was afraid without me, just for about 30 min.
The only thing left that i have heard him say that is a worry...is that, "I hope the kids don't hurt you."
I have a couple disrespectful daughters, towards me, never to daddy, tho.
Does that lack of any color mean time is close? What else can i do to ease his mind? His feet swell and stay grayish white, so do his hands and freezing always.
I feel guilty for wishing him to be with Jesus. I feel guilty that i can eat..and he can only drink a about3 cans of those special canned drinks. I fear going anywhere , so am here for many days at a time without going outside. I feel quilty that i want to go see my mom. I feel guilty just thinking of myself ..without him. Or, makeing plans of how i will live, and where..etc.
I catch myself making a plan...and I don't include him..because, i know he won't be there! I hate to ever do that..it just slips out of my mouth! I never want to hurt him.
Oh, can anyone help me in anyway. I feel so alone. Sweet Blessings, to all, Donnaannchane03-30-2003, 06:11 AMMrsdlash, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can to make your husband as comfortable as possible. If you are concerned that your husband is worrying about your daughters, can't you explain this to them and ask them to promise their father that they will change their ways and not to worry about you because they will look after you when he has gone? This may be what he is waiting to hear so that he can go peacefully in the knowledge that you will be looked after when he has gone. God bless you and your family at this very traumatic time, I will be praying for you, take care and please keep us updated. God bless, Ann.littletinkerbell03-30-2003, 08:42 AMhi donna
You are such a brave lady with what you are doing. You are doing everything that you can possibly do you do not have anything to feel guilty about my mum was just like you 3 weeks ago now and she also felt the same way. Donna what I was told from the hospice nurses in his final days was to take everything in that was said and done as this would help us later on when we recall everything and remember those last days. Also this is the most precious time you have left with him don't be afraid Donna as this will be his most peaceful part of this terrible illness please enjoy his last days with him so you can look back on it with some fond memories. This is a really horrible illness but one thing you get out of it is to say everything you ever wanted and to say and goodbye, some people never get that chance such as heart attack victims and other sudden deaths. So Donna take comfort in the fact that you can say a beautiful goodbye and be at peace with yourself knowing that. I'll be thinking about you I send you all my love and hugs for you and your husband... God Bless You Both...
...mags...Michelle2403-30-2003, 10:20 PMHi Donna,
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through such pain. You are an incredibly strong woman. Much stronger than I. Please keep the faith as God has a plan for you and your husband. And as stubborn as your daughters are, they will come around. Love is a powerful thing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband,
Love,
MichelleDan&cheryl03-31-2003, 11:08 AMIs this the most awful pain! I also said so many things to Danny, I know that he already knew them but the one good thing is I said good things to my brother not knowing he would follow Danny. We became a much closer family. My brother once told me he didn't want to leave our house, it gave him comfort just being here.
One physical thing I can tell you about is that mottling stuff you read about. It says the feet and ankles turn bluish. Well in Danny's case it was a bluish tinge to his hip that I noticed about a week before he had that low blood sugar seizure.
I'm so sorry for all of us.TheColonel04-01-2003, 09:04 AMDonna,
There isn't much I know to say in this situation, but as someone in the opposite position of yourself I felt I should say this.
You are doing all you can do. I know from my own experience that just having you with him is a great comfort to your husband. Continue to be there for him and to support him. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and all I can do is offer you my prayers and my deepest sympathies. I just wanted you to know that the best thing you can do for him is exactly what you are doing.
Waltermrsdlash04-01-2003, 04:43 PMHello to Machille, Mags,Cheryl and Walter,
Thank you dearly for your encouragement and advice. I have been so busy I could not respond any sooner. I hurt for you and your seperation of your loved ones. And, Walter, how kind for you to respond to help me. I send you all hugs and love, with all of my heart.
My husband the last few days was too much for me, with his aggitation and hullusianations...so, I fineally got wise enough to 'ask' for help. You were right my daughters stepped up and helped me beyond my expecttations! They got to see, also, first hand, what mom has been doing here. I got appreciation after they tried to take over to let me get some overdue sleep. I got woke up from my nap with my husband telling me to come, that my mom was here. She wasn't. He kept saying many different people were here that day.
I got up just in time to take over and get him under control, a bit better. I got him sat down and put his oxogen on and was 'firm' with him to make him stay there.. my daughter's couldn't do that. That made me feel that I was "stronger than I thought I was", too. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif In fect he boyishly said,"I think you are getting bossy." http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
Hospice is just now is sending out someone to help me clean and to give me a break from watching him. The Hospice nurse and the Soc. Worker both got to see me have some bad siezures. They told me I had better accept help, now. Finealy, I am willing!
Cheryl, Today, my husbands back is dark purple and blue , even after being out of bed. It never was before.
God bless you all, your response warms my heart. DonnaTheColonel04-01-2003, 06:19 PMThanks, Donna.
I have to tell you, reading the posts of other members is a bit scary. I'm wondering what I should expect. Is it always like you describe or is there hope for a peaceful death?
Waltermrsdlash04-02-2003, 08:41 PMDear Walt,
I found out that most people with Cancer die in their sleep peacefully. I am to expect my husband's organs to slowly shut down. He is not in pain and he takes Atavin liquid for any anxity that just the Cancer itself can cause, from messing up the chemicals in his brain. Trust me it is working well for him 99%of the time.
Listen....I learned that I had OVERDOSED HIM WITH a strong cough prescription medication. And that caused him to talk and act so goofy! I used a little mesureing cup from an over the counter cough syrup...and was giving him twice the amount he was supposed to get. And he had the bottle beside his bed and was doseing himself too!! The Codine on top of the moriphine. he takes to calm his desire to cough...messed up his mind. I felt horrible to find this out!!
Anyway, I was trying to say...he is supposed to get more and more sleepy. Sleeping longer periods of time. Until at the last he cannot be aroused at all. Then he will slip into a Coma. He will die in his sleep. That is what I found read in a book that Hospice gave to me. I did not get that book, untill about a week ago . Would have liked to have had that a year ago.
So, this is what i am hopeing will happen, just as it says. I have smoked many years and figure that i will die the same way.
I pray, that i help you, Walt...I don't want to say anything that might hurt you. hugs and prayers, DonnaDan&cheryl04-02-2003, 11:58 PMYa know Walt, it wasn't like that or Danny. He was sleeping nights and maybe a nap after company, but the night before he died I tried to get him in bed but he said he didn't want to go to sleep. Around 1:30 am I woke up and he was still up watching tv. I again asked if he needed help and he said no, he didn't feel like sleeping. At 5:30 am he woke me up with a loud moaning sound. He was in a low blood sugar coma. The EMT's took him to the hospital and they gave him a shot of some kind of sugar. He had a DNR but this was ok for them to do. He was awake that whole day, even joking with our daugters. Around 10:30 I went home. I don't remember if He told me to go or if I brought it up but he said it was ok to go. I told him I would see him in the morning and he never answered. When I said "I love you" he said it too. He was still very much awake. Around 2:43 am the nurse told him she thought she should call me. He told her "ok, but she won't get here in time". He died 2 minutes after she called.
I'm sorry friends, I'm telling the whole story all over again. I won't tell Walt about my brother this time here.
Anyway my point was, what's right for you and your family is what the Good Lord will give you. Keep those prayers going...and good luck helps too. Cherylmrsdlash04-03-2003, 04:11 AM"What's right for you and your family is what the Good Lord will give you." Thank you Cheryl,, you said that beautifuly...what comforting words. I will cling to that thought, and that fact. You are a treasure of help for all of us, Cheryl. I wish you sweet blessings, Sincerely, DonnaLeisaH04-03-2003, 10:16 AMWalter, not all who die have easy deaths. BUT the majority do. Mom had a very peaceful and dignified dying. I think it makes a difference if you have come to realize that and have settled and are peaceful. My Grandmother had a peaceful death from liver cancer with her family surrounding her. She had been trying to wait to see me and was, now we understand it more, fighting death. The night she had died, I had called and they held the phone to her ear, and I told her if she wanted to go and was waiting for me to come, to go, that I would understand. Within 2 hours she had passed. The same with my great grandma, she was dying and in and out of a light coma, the day before my wedding. She had always been a very practical woman and I know she wanted to go. I told her that it would be alright to go when she is ready, the snow was melting and everyone was in town for my wedding, so there would be no traveling to get to her funeral. Early the next morning, she passed and the day after a wedding we had a funeral. I guess, I am rambling here, but seriously, the great majority die peacefully.
Leisalittletinkerbell04-03-2003, 04:08 PMDear Walter
I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and everything donna has told you should happen did. He had the most peacefull , dignified and beautiful ending any one could wish for. Also walter in the hospice my dad was in we had heard of 4 other people passing on and from their families there loved ones ending was exactly the same so peaceful and they all felt a sense of peace after it I hope this helps a little bit Walter I'm so sorry you have been chosen to go through this but you and your family are in my prayers. Thinking of you mags..Dan&cheryl04-18-2003, 07:20 PMDonna, I'm wondering how things are. I hope everything is as good as it can be for you in this situation.
Let me know, and I miss my hugs.
Cheryl
So, Now his is down to about 114 lbs. and looks like he cannot possiblely be alive. Yet he still gets out of that hospital bed, here at home. Hospice nurses cannot belive he has lived this long.
I have read on here about things to do..so that he will be comfortable emotionaly. I have fixed every financal problem..invited everyone to visit him..let him make peace with whomever..Done everything i can think of to help him. He is at peace with God..and looking forward to joining Him and passed on ralatives.
Now that just all sounds awful! I don't want to lose him..not after 36 yrs of marriage..but, it hurts to see him suffer and struggle ,,just to swallow water!
Yesterday morning his skin was deathly white from the waist down, i saw as i dressed him! I never saw anything like that in the nurseing homes i worked at. I have never actually..been with anyone as they died..i am praying that i say and do what is best for him..at the time..and always. But, i am scared for failing that.
I lay with my husband, carefully and snuggle when he wants me to and feels able. I hug him, kiss him, massage his back geltly with lotion...bath him..and spend nearly every minute with him.
I left just to ride up and pick you his medications one day..and he was fighting for breath when i walked in ..like nothing i had ever seen. I think he was afraid without me, just for about 30 min.
The only thing left that i have heard him say that is a worry...is that, "I hope the kids don't hurt you."
I have a couple disrespectful daughters, towards me, never to daddy, tho.
Does that lack of any color mean time is close? What else can i do to ease his mind? His feet swell and stay grayish white, so do his hands and freezing always.
I feel guilty for wishing him to be with Jesus. I feel guilty that i can eat..and he can only drink a about3 cans of those special canned drinks. I fear going anywhere , so am here for many days at a time without going outside. I feel quilty that i want to go see my mom. I feel guilty just thinking of myself ..without him. Or, makeing plans of how i will live, and where..etc.
I catch myself making a plan...and I don't include him..because, i know he won't be there! I hate to ever do that..it just slips out of my mouth! I never want to hurt him.
Oh, can anyone help me in anyway. I feel so alone. Sweet Blessings, to all, Donnaannchane03-30-2003, 06:11 AMMrsdlash, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can to make your husband as comfortable as possible. If you are concerned that your husband is worrying about your daughters, can't you explain this to them and ask them to promise their father that they will change their ways and not to worry about you because they will look after you when he has gone? This may be what he is waiting to hear so that he can go peacefully in the knowledge that you will be looked after when he has gone. God bless you and your family at this very traumatic time, I will be praying for you, take care and please keep us updated. God bless, Ann.littletinkerbell03-30-2003, 08:42 AMhi donna
You are such a brave lady with what you are doing. You are doing everything that you can possibly do you do not have anything to feel guilty about my mum was just like you 3 weeks ago now and she also felt the same way. Donna what I was told from the hospice nurses in his final days was to take everything in that was said and done as this would help us later on when we recall everything and remember those last days. Also this is the most precious time you have left with him don't be afraid Donna as this will be his most peaceful part of this terrible illness please enjoy his last days with him so you can look back on it with some fond memories. This is a really horrible illness but one thing you get out of it is to say everything you ever wanted and to say and goodbye, some people never get that chance such as heart attack victims and other sudden deaths. So Donna take comfort in the fact that you can say a beautiful goodbye and be at peace with yourself knowing that. I'll be thinking about you I send you all my love and hugs for you and your husband... God Bless You Both...
...mags...Michelle2403-30-2003, 10:20 PMHi Donna,
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through such pain. You are an incredibly strong woman. Much stronger than I. Please keep the faith as God has a plan for you and your husband. And as stubborn as your daughters are, they will come around. Love is a powerful thing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband,
Love,
MichelleDan&cheryl03-31-2003, 11:08 AMIs this the most awful pain! I also said so many things to Danny, I know that he already knew them but the one good thing is I said good things to my brother not knowing he would follow Danny. We became a much closer family. My brother once told me he didn't want to leave our house, it gave him comfort just being here.
One physical thing I can tell you about is that mottling stuff you read about. It says the feet and ankles turn bluish. Well in Danny's case it was a bluish tinge to his hip that I noticed about a week before he had that low blood sugar seizure.
I'm so sorry for all of us.TheColonel04-01-2003, 09:04 AMDonna,
There isn't much I know to say in this situation, but as someone in the opposite position of yourself I felt I should say this.
You are doing all you can do. I know from my own experience that just having you with him is a great comfort to your husband. Continue to be there for him and to support him. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and all I can do is offer you my prayers and my deepest sympathies. I just wanted you to know that the best thing you can do for him is exactly what you are doing.
Waltermrsdlash04-01-2003, 04:43 PMHello to Machille, Mags,Cheryl and Walter,
Thank you dearly for your encouragement and advice. I have been so busy I could not respond any sooner. I hurt for you and your seperation of your loved ones. And, Walter, how kind for you to respond to help me. I send you all hugs and love, with all of my heart.
My husband the last few days was too much for me, with his aggitation and hullusianations...so, I fineally got wise enough to 'ask' for help. You were right my daughters stepped up and helped me beyond my expecttations! They got to see, also, first hand, what mom has been doing here. I got appreciation after they tried to take over to let me get some overdue sleep. I got woke up from my nap with my husband telling me to come, that my mom was here. She wasn't. He kept saying many different people were here that day.
I got up just in time to take over and get him under control, a bit better. I got him sat down and put his oxogen on and was 'firm' with him to make him stay there.. my daughter's couldn't do that. That made me feel that I was "stronger than I thought I was", too. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif In fect he boyishly said,"I think you are getting bossy." http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
Hospice is just now is sending out someone to help me clean and to give me a break from watching him. The Hospice nurse and the Soc. Worker both got to see me have some bad siezures. They told me I had better accept help, now. Finealy, I am willing!
Cheryl, Today, my husbands back is dark purple and blue , even after being out of bed. It never was before.
God bless you all, your response warms my heart. DonnaTheColonel04-01-2003, 06:19 PMThanks, Donna.
I have to tell you, reading the posts of other members is a bit scary. I'm wondering what I should expect. Is it always like you describe or is there hope for a peaceful death?
Waltermrsdlash04-02-2003, 08:41 PMDear Walt,
I found out that most people with Cancer die in their sleep peacefully. I am to expect my husband's organs to slowly shut down. He is not in pain and he takes Atavin liquid for any anxity that just the Cancer itself can cause, from messing up the chemicals in his brain. Trust me it is working well for him 99%of the time.
Listen....I learned that I had OVERDOSED HIM WITH a strong cough prescription medication. And that caused him to talk and act so goofy! I used a little mesureing cup from an over the counter cough syrup...and was giving him twice the amount he was supposed to get. And he had the bottle beside his bed and was doseing himself too!! The Codine on top of the moriphine. he takes to calm his desire to cough...messed up his mind. I felt horrible to find this out!!
Anyway, I was trying to say...he is supposed to get more and more sleepy. Sleeping longer periods of time. Until at the last he cannot be aroused at all. Then he will slip into a Coma. He will die in his sleep. That is what I found read in a book that Hospice gave to me. I did not get that book, untill about a week ago . Would have liked to have had that a year ago.
So, this is what i am hopeing will happen, just as it says. I have smoked many years and figure that i will die the same way.
I pray, that i help you, Walt...I don't want to say anything that might hurt you. hugs and prayers, DonnaDan&cheryl04-02-2003, 11:58 PMYa know Walt, it wasn't like that or Danny. He was sleeping nights and maybe a nap after company, but the night before he died I tried to get him in bed but he said he didn't want to go to sleep. Around 1:30 am I woke up and he was still up watching tv. I again asked if he needed help and he said no, he didn't feel like sleeping. At 5:30 am he woke me up with a loud moaning sound. He was in a low blood sugar coma. The EMT's took him to the hospital and they gave him a shot of some kind of sugar. He had a DNR but this was ok for them to do. He was awake that whole day, even joking with our daugters. Around 10:30 I went home. I don't remember if He told me to go or if I brought it up but he said it was ok to go. I told him I would see him in the morning and he never answered. When I said "I love you" he said it too. He was still very much awake. Around 2:43 am the nurse told him she thought she should call me. He told her "ok, but she won't get here in time". He died 2 minutes after she called.
I'm sorry friends, I'm telling the whole story all over again. I won't tell Walt about my brother this time here.
Anyway my point was, what's right for you and your family is what the Good Lord will give you. Keep those prayers going...and good luck helps too. Cherylmrsdlash04-03-2003, 04:11 AM"What's right for you and your family is what the Good Lord will give you." Thank you Cheryl,, you said that beautifuly...what comforting words. I will cling to that thought, and that fact. You are a treasure of help for all of us, Cheryl. I wish you sweet blessings, Sincerely, DonnaLeisaH04-03-2003, 10:16 AMWalter, not all who die have easy deaths. BUT the majority do. Mom had a very peaceful and dignified dying. I think it makes a difference if you have come to realize that and have settled and are peaceful. My Grandmother had a peaceful death from liver cancer with her family surrounding her. She had been trying to wait to see me and was, now we understand it more, fighting death. The night she had died, I had called and they held the phone to her ear, and I told her if she wanted to go and was waiting for me to come, to go, that I would understand. Within 2 hours she had passed. The same with my great grandma, she was dying and in and out of a light coma, the day before my wedding. She had always been a very practical woman and I know she wanted to go. I told her that it would be alright to go when she is ready, the snow was melting and everyone was in town for my wedding, so there would be no traveling to get to her funeral. Early the next morning, she passed and the day after a wedding we had a funeral. I guess, I am rambling here, but seriously, the great majority die peacefully.
Leisalittletinkerbell04-03-2003, 04:08 PMDear Walter
I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and everything donna has told you should happen did. He had the most peacefull , dignified and beautiful ending any one could wish for. Also walter in the hospice my dad was in we had heard of 4 other people passing on and from their families there loved ones ending was exactly the same so peaceful and they all felt a sense of peace after it I hope this helps a little bit Walter I'm so sorry you have been chosen to go through this but you and your family are in my prayers. Thinking of you mags..Dan&cheryl04-18-2003, 07:20 PMDonna, I'm wondering how things are. I hope everything is as good as it can be for you in this situation.
Let me know, and I miss my hugs.
Cheryl