Just Found a Lung Cancer
TheColonel04-01-2003, 09:27 AMFor the past few months I've been fighting liver cancer and my doctors have found that it has spread to the lung. I always believed that once it hit the lungs it was the end of the line, yet he wants to try to treat it.
I have a dilemma though. My wife has been ill herself recently, the first diagnosis nearly devestated her and I just don't feel right telling her about the spread. If I don't though, I don't see how I can be treated. She'd find out.
I don't know what to do. If I keep this to myself, I'll pray to die as peacefully as possible and try not to burder my wife. She is a jewel and a great comfort to me, just having her with me is a comfort, but I don't think she can take much more. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell her or not. The only other person who knows is my niece and she says I have to tell her.
I thought that if I asked others who have nursed someone through this thing or have been there themselves, I could get a better idea of how to proceed. Any help you can offer will be appreciated.
WalterLeisaH04-01-2003, 09:41 AMWalter
Tell her! I would have hated my mom not telling me about the spread of the cancer. Her strength may surprise you. Think of how she would feel if you passed, then she would be hurt. Be open about it, and no, it does not mean a death sentence to you. There have been successful remissions and not just a month or two, but 5 yrs. Never give up the hope, especially when you have an agressive doctor.
Welcome to the board
Leisasailrjup1204-15-2003, 01:03 PMI will add you to my prayer list. Please tell you wife, she will be upset but no matter what she loves you and would want to know. If you feel up to it talk about the possibilities of death. I did't do that with my mom and I somwhat regret it. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know that you are scared of what lies ahead, but you must be strong for your wife and yourself.
Natalie http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifmrsdlash04-15-2003, 03:25 PMHI,
I know I have already told you how I feel but thought of something more to say.
My husband did every treatment available to him. The radiation and Chemo. 'DID' shrink his Lung Cancer! It 'DID' stop it from growing any larger and to stop blocking up his airways. It 'DID' WORK'!!
But, he happened to be a rare case that the side effects were unbareable. Partly due to a problem with his skin that made the reaction too much to bare.
Remember...that his case was truely rare. The doctor had never seen such a case.
Next I want to say...my children and I ..KNEW that he was takeing the treatments..because he LOVED all of us. Your wife would know that you would be taking the treatments...because, of how~ very~ much you love her! And, that you want to be here with her.
You are trying to protect her, and you can tell her that is why you have not told her so far.
If it was the other way around...How would you feel NOT being told?
I do pray that your wife is gaining some wieght back now and eating better. I sure can understand if you are trying to wait until she is healthier. I understand your fear.
My husband put off going to the dr ; about a year, because, I am diabled and he was takeing care of ME!
If he had of gotten help .....sooner...maybe we would have another 5 years or more together..instead of him on the verge of death any minute, now.
He thought he was "Protecting me"...but, it ended up takeing away from me.
The dr. said..If they had of gotten to it the year before when he had the first signs of it...he could have had an operation on his lungs and they could have cut it out before it spread.
Many times I have learned things about my husbandf from other people, instead of straight from him. I always felt betrayed..or left out, when that happened.
I wanted to be his most closest friend.
I know that you must be praying for wisdom and guidence, since you are a Christian. So, I agree with you in prayer, for the answers you need. Such as the perfect timeing, the courage, and the right words to say. Also, for you and your wife to have increaseingly better health. Oh, and of course, blessings for you children. gentle hugs, DonnaHoosierBj04-15-2003, 08:13 PMPlease please tell your wife... Women, more than anything, treasure communication. For her to find out later that you did not share such an intimate part of your shared life together would hurt very very much.
My Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer which had already spread to the liver and then to his lungs. He never once spoke to my Mom about how he felt, or his fears, or his hopes. Although she understands on one level that it was his way of "protecting" her, it has been two years since he died and she is still wishing for the closure that him talking to her about things would have given her.
Sometimes shared pain can be shared comfort.
BjTheColonel04-16-2003, 03:01 PMMy wife has been ill herself recently and hospitalized. She'll be coming home Friday. I was thinking of telling her after Easter. I'll let you know how it all works out.
Thanks for the advice,
WaltDan&cheryl04-17-2003, 01:30 AMHi Walt, Been wondering about how you're holding up. Yes, tell her as soon as you think she is feeling better. I have a feeling that either she already knows something's bothering you or she is going to flip out because you didn't tell her sooner. Do you have any kids? If so, they should be there too. My daughters were there for their dad even though they have their own lives, he came first at that time. Thank God for my wonderful son-in-law and his parents. Sorry, I'm rambling... CherylTheColonel04-17-2003, 09:29 AMDana and I do have children, our son Jacob is almost three and our daughter Karen is four months. I think it best just to tell Jake that Daddy has a "boo-boo" in his chest and it is making him sick. I don't want to get into details with him.
She does know something is up, but she thinks it's that I've been worried about her and having a hard time with the children. I don't know exactly how to tell her, I'm just working it out.
I'll let you know how it all works out. Any advice on the breaking of the news will be appreciated.
As to how I'm feeling, pretty good. I have a long fight, and somehow I don't think I'll win it, but I'm not giving up. Spending time with my kids while Dana has been ill has given me a whole new outlook. I can't just stop fighting, I have too much to live for.
Thanks for all your support,
Walter
I have a dilemma though. My wife has been ill herself recently, the first diagnosis nearly devestated her and I just don't feel right telling her about the spread. If I don't though, I don't see how I can be treated. She'd find out.
I don't know what to do. If I keep this to myself, I'll pray to die as peacefully as possible and try not to burder my wife. She is a jewel and a great comfort to me, just having her with me is a comfort, but I don't think she can take much more. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell her or not. The only other person who knows is my niece and she says I have to tell her.
I thought that if I asked others who have nursed someone through this thing or have been there themselves, I could get a better idea of how to proceed. Any help you can offer will be appreciated.
WalterLeisaH04-01-2003, 09:41 AMWalter
Tell her! I would have hated my mom not telling me about the spread of the cancer. Her strength may surprise you. Think of how she would feel if you passed, then she would be hurt. Be open about it, and no, it does not mean a death sentence to you. There have been successful remissions and not just a month or two, but 5 yrs. Never give up the hope, especially when you have an agressive doctor.
Welcome to the board
Leisasailrjup1204-15-2003, 01:03 PMI will add you to my prayer list. Please tell you wife, she will be upset but no matter what she loves you and would want to know. If you feel up to it talk about the possibilities of death. I did't do that with my mom and I somwhat regret it. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know that you are scared of what lies ahead, but you must be strong for your wife and yourself.
Natalie http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifmrsdlash04-15-2003, 03:25 PMHI,
I know I have already told you how I feel but thought of something more to say.
My husband did every treatment available to him. The radiation and Chemo. 'DID' shrink his Lung Cancer! It 'DID' stop it from growing any larger and to stop blocking up his airways. It 'DID' WORK'!!
But, he happened to be a rare case that the side effects were unbareable. Partly due to a problem with his skin that made the reaction too much to bare.
Remember...that his case was truely rare. The doctor had never seen such a case.
Next I want to say...my children and I ..KNEW that he was takeing the treatments..because he LOVED all of us. Your wife would know that you would be taking the treatments...because, of how~ very~ much you love her! And, that you want to be here with her.
You are trying to protect her, and you can tell her that is why you have not told her so far.
If it was the other way around...How would you feel NOT being told?
I do pray that your wife is gaining some wieght back now and eating better. I sure can understand if you are trying to wait until she is healthier. I understand your fear.
My husband put off going to the dr ; about a year, because, I am diabled and he was takeing care of ME!
If he had of gotten help .....sooner...maybe we would have another 5 years or more together..instead of him on the verge of death any minute, now.
He thought he was "Protecting me"...but, it ended up takeing away from me.
The dr. said..If they had of gotten to it the year before when he had the first signs of it...he could have had an operation on his lungs and they could have cut it out before it spread.
Many times I have learned things about my husbandf from other people, instead of straight from him. I always felt betrayed..or left out, when that happened.
I wanted to be his most closest friend.
I know that you must be praying for wisdom and guidence, since you are a Christian. So, I agree with you in prayer, for the answers you need. Such as the perfect timeing, the courage, and the right words to say. Also, for you and your wife to have increaseingly better health. Oh, and of course, blessings for you children. gentle hugs, DonnaHoosierBj04-15-2003, 08:13 PMPlease please tell your wife... Women, more than anything, treasure communication. For her to find out later that you did not share such an intimate part of your shared life together would hurt very very much.
My Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer which had already spread to the liver and then to his lungs. He never once spoke to my Mom about how he felt, or his fears, or his hopes. Although she understands on one level that it was his way of "protecting" her, it has been two years since he died and she is still wishing for the closure that him talking to her about things would have given her.
Sometimes shared pain can be shared comfort.
BjTheColonel04-16-2003, 03:01 PMMy wife has been ill herself recently and hospitalized. She'll be coming home Friday. I was thinking of telling her after Easter. I'll let you know how it all works out.
Thanks for the advice,
WaltDan&cheryl04-17-2003, 01:30 AMHi Walt, Been wondering about how you're holding up. Yes, tell her as soon as you think she is feeling better. I have a feeling that either she already knows something's bothering you or she is going to flip out because you didn't tell her sooner. Do you have any kids? If so, they should be there too. My daughters were there for their dad even though they have their own lives, he came first at that time. Thank God for my wonderful son-in-law and his parents. Sorry, I'm rambling... CherylTheColonel04-17-2003, 09:29 AMDana and I do have children, our son Jacob is almost three and our daughter Karen is four months. I think it best just to tell Jake that Daddy has a "boo-boo" in his chest and it is making him sick. I don't want to get into details with him.
She does know something is up, but she thinks it's that I've been worried about her and having a hard time with the children. I don't know exactly how to tell her, I'm just working it out.
I'll let you know how it all works out. Any advice on the breaking of the news will be appreciated.
As to how I'm feeling, pretty good. I have a long fight, and somehow I don't think I'll win it, but I'm not giving up. Spending time with my kids while Dana has been ill has given me a whole new outlook. I can't just stop fighting, I have too much to live for.
Thanks for all your support,
Walter